


The Adventures of Langst

by whyislifesosqaure



Category: Voltron - Fandom, Voltron: Legendary Defender, vld - Fandom
Genre: 7th wheel lance, Angst, Angstangstangst, Angsty lance, Anxious Lance (Voltron), Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Cuban Lance (Voltron), Depressed Lance (Voltron), Gay Keith (Voltron), I love this boy I swear, Lance Angst, Langst, Pining Keith (Voltron), Pining Lance (Voltron), Platonic Relationships, Sad Lance (Voltron), justawholeheapofangst, klance, klance angst, langst oneshots, romantic relationships, thisismyfirstficidkhowtousethiswebsitehaha
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-14
Updated: 2019-05-03
Packaged: 2019-08-29 00:54:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16733928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whyislifesosqaure/pseuds/whyislifesosqaure
Summary: A heck ton of Langst-y (Lance based angst) oneshots/short story things??If anyone has any requests I'm more than happy to fulfill your desires.Any and all ships! (involving Lance bc.. Langst)This is my first fanfic on this website, so hi.





	1. Chapter 1

Ayyeee, this is my first fanfic on here, and of course, it's Langst-centric. I am more than happy to take requests so I can fulfill your Langst desires. You can leave your requests in the comment section or message me~ We can talk about it and what path you'd like the oneshot to go down, or you can totally leave it in my hands for a surprise.

** Chapter list: **

Chapter One: Just Breathe

Lance fucks up on a mission and the team resents him for it.

Chapter Two: Sleepless Nights

Lance feels guilt and regret for not being able to save a life.

Chapter Three: Exhausted

Lance is really tired and just wants rest.


	2. Just Breathe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance fucking up and the team not taking it too well. A little OOC but that's okay :'^)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Season 8 starts in 10 minutes and I'm fucking screeching. It's been an honor flying with you all. (Won't stop me from writing Langst tho hah). 
> 
> Also, this was more of a writing practice from this point of view and I'm not so proud of it but ya know what? I promised myself I'd get this out before Season 8. Look at me now, posting it now 8 minutes before season 8 airs.  
> (I'll come back and edit this after I've finished crying over season 8).

Breathe in, and breathe out. I can do this. Today will be a good day. Happy thoughts, happy thoughts, happy thoughts...for fucks sake why can’t I just sleep forever?! I sigh, looking over at the earth equivalent of a clock and almost screech. Holy shit I’m late as fuck! Ripping the covers off my body, I quickly get changed into my armour and run through my skincare. Please be bickering, please be bickering…  
I run from my room and sneak into the observation deck.  
“I see why you think that,” Allura protests, “but why don’t we-”  
Taking my position behind Pidge and Hunk, Keith glares at me, noticing my tardiness. I grin, poking my tongue out and wave back. The observant prick.

“If we take the red lion, we’d be able to get in and out quickly without much hassle if anything goes wrong.”  
“Yes, but Shiro if we take the green lion we can cloak ourselves and infiltrate without anyone knowing, especially if there are any Galra down there.”  
And the bickering continues. Group meetings usually end up with Shiro and Allura’s bickering, Pidge pointing out the faults, Hunk giving advice and Keith standing back and observing with his occasional suggestions.  
“Look, the green lion is in repairs right now from our last mission and won’t be done any time soon. I thought we wanted to get this over and done with quickly and safely?” Pidge interferes.  
“Pidge is right Allura. Hunk, how is yellow coming along?”  
“She’s still a bit unsteady, but with a bit more time she’ll be up and running.”  
“Thank you Hunk, but we don’t exactly have time to spare.” The Princesses eyes land on me, “Lance, have you got any suggestions?”  
I feel everyone’s eyes land on me and give an anxious laugh. “...What kind of planet is it?”  
A mix of groans become the answer to my question, Keith staring at me with disbelief.  
“That was the first thing we talked about! Why-”  
“Keith.” Shiro sends the teen a small glare before turning back to me with a small...rather forced smile. “It’s main source is water. The water is what helps keep the planet alive, and the rings surrounding it is like a water barrier to protect itself from intruders.”  
“Which is why,” Shiro swiftly turns back to Allura, “Red is the best for this mission-”  
“What about black?” Allura raises her perfect eyebrows in confusion.  
“Black would be too obvious.” Pidge buts in.  
“Unless we placed the invisible cloak from green into black.” Hunk adds.  
Pidge’s eyes grow wide in excitement. “Yes! That could work! It’d only take Coran, Hunk and I 20 dobashes!”  
“But like the Princess said, we don’t have time to spare.” Keith folds his arms, as if challenging someone to retort his statement.  
I tap my foot in annoyance, frowning. _What about blue?_  
“Princess, why don’t we take a quick break?” Coran pitches in, “I’m sure everyone will have clearer heads after a small break.”  
I shake my head. “But the planet is practically water, wouldn’t it be better to-”  
“Why don’t we take blue!” Pidge cuts me off. My frown deepens as Hunk nods his head in agreement. “And if there is nowhere to land, Lance could use his ice beam to create stable ground.”  
“Perfect!” Allura clasps her hands together and looks at me. “Why didn’t you say anything, Lance?”  
My eyes widen in disbelief. “I was! But Pidge over here-”  
“We’re close to planet Wanaera Princess, we should, as the paladins say, roll out!”  
I cover up my frown with my signature grin. “Ha, nice one Coran.”  
“Thanks ma boy.” He says, placing his hand on my shoulder. “What other, slang, was it? Do you humans use?”  
“Well~”  
“Lance c’mon! We don’t have all day!”  
Coran gives me a sheepish smile. “Why don’t we talk about this after the mission, we can meet back here?”  
“Haha, of course Coran. The great Lancey-Lance can teach you the way of earth slang~”  
“LANCE!”  
“Yeah yeah, I’m coming Mullet!”  
I shoot Coran one last smile and finger guns before running off to blue, excitement in my step as I finally get to prove that I am not completely useless to this team.

_____________________

“We’ll split into two groups,” Shiro announces, standing in front of us all, “Hunk, Pidge and Keith you will be group one. Anything you find will be reported back to Coran as group one. Allura, Lance and I will be group two.”  
Confusion sweeps over me. _Why not split into three groups of two?_ I raise my hand.  
Shiro sighs, “Yes, Lance?”  
“Why don’t we split into three groups of two? We’d cover ground a lot faster-”  
“Because knucklehead we don’t have enough equipment, and we will work better in groups of three’s encase of enemy attack.” Pidge goes to push her glasses up, forgetting about the helmet on her head. I chuckle.  
“Yeah, sure, I’m the knucklehead.”  
Hunk laughs, “Ooo, nice one Lance!”  
“I know right? Up high!”  
“Paladins!” We stop mid high five, turning back to see an infuriated Allura. “We don’t have much time! Why can’t you seem to understand that?!”  
“Allura’s right guys.” Keith agrees.  
“Let’s go. Keith, you guys check the beaches and surrounding foliage. We’ll go to the forest.”  
“Why can’t we go to the forest?” I groan, “I’m-”  
“Because I chose the forest, Lance.” Shiro bites back, turning away with a still riled up Allura.  
I let out a frustrated sigh.  
“Hey,” Hunk wraps his arm around my shoulders, “Don’t take it personally. They’re just stressed.”  
I nod my head. “Good luck to me.”  
“Yeah, you’re gonna need it!” Pidge shouts before running to catch up to Keith further up the shore.  
Hunk chuckles patting my shoulder, “Don’t worry buddy.”

_____________________

Silence. I hate silence.  
“So, what exactly are we looking for?” Allura looks at me, bewildered.  
“Were you not there at the beginning of the meeting?!”  
“Uh-”  
“No, he wasn’t.” Shiro answers for me, ripping the branches out of our path.  
“Well, thanks for waiting for me.” I reply saltily.  
The Princess sighs, “We are searching for cyaclome crystals. They’re lilac in colour, and are only found on a planet with water as its main source.”  
“And we need them for…?”  
“Soap.”  
“Soap?”  
“Yes, soap!”  
“Oh. So that’s why-”  
“Just shut it, Lance.”  
_I’m sorry._

What felt like hours of walking through dense bush (I looked at the timer in my helmet, it’s only been 12 minutes) we finally come across a muddy clearing.  
“I’ll go over this side, Shiro and Lance you can search over there.” Allura points in the direction furthest away from her. Shiro nods, while I reply with a sassy, “I see how it is.” I’m ignored, yay.  
“Hey, hey Shiro.” I chuckle.  
“Yes?”  
“Why is Peter Pan always flying?”  
“...Peter Pan?” Shiro questions.  
“Ya know, like from 1953.” Shiro whistles.  
“That was ages ago Lance. A good 60 to 80 years before you were even born.” I laugh.  
“You could say I was raised on the good stuff.”  
“That was before the third world war, right?”  
“Yep. Way before.”  
“I wonder what life was like back then.”  
“You mean without the fancy technology we have these days back on earth?”  
Shiro chuckles, dimples showing. “Yeah. Anyway, tell me about this so-called Peter Pan. Wouldn’t mind being distracted from the stress.” With a wide smile and a warm heart, I comply.

After my essay on Peter Pan, Shiro is astounded. “A boy that never grows old and lives in neverland. You could say,” He points his galra arm at me, “He neverlands.”  
“Yes! That was the answer to my joke! Up high!” We high five, laughing.  
“Have you two found anything?” I turn around frantically to find Allura with a stern expression. “And?”  
Shiro smiles softly, a tuft of white hair falling in his eyes. “Yes Princess. We have a tube full.”  
“And I have 5.” She places her hands on her hips. “I’d like to see a lot more.” Her eyes linger on mine before she turns. I watch her walk away. I really am a stuff up, aren’t I?  
“C’mon Lance.” Shiro grumbles. And he’s in a bad mood again. All my hard work, wasted.  
Gritting my teeth, I get back to work on digging the shovel into the mud. How can I get rid of this tense atmosphere? I glance at Shiro.  
“Hey, did you hear about the italian chef that died?”  
Shiro tenses. “Lan-”  
“He pastaway!”  
“Lance, can’t you see I’m not in the mood?! Please leave me alone.”  
My heart drops. “I-I’m s-”  
“Just leave me be.”  
He readjusts his helmet as he turns and walks away, shovel in hand. I frown. Guess I really was destined to be annoying.  
A sudden rustle from the bushes catches my eye. I look to my right slightly to see Allura with a figure standing behind her.  
I panic.  
“Allura!”  
“What do you w-”  
A flash of a purple beam is shot directly at me, I duck, missing it by an inch. Within a second, two more galra soldiers jump out from hiding. Their twisted smiles sickening me. We’ve been ambushed. Allura yells a command to us and we back up into the middle of the muddy clearing, back-to-back.  
“Allura and I will fight them while you sneak off and shoot from above.” I nod my head in confirmation.  
“Well well well, look what the cat dragged in.” The lead galra chuckles.  
“What a lucky catch.” A smaller one comments, inching in on Shiro.  
“What a lucky catch indeed.” The third agrees, staring at Allura. I imagine her frown, glaring daggers at the galra.  
The lead galra spouts on about some nonsense as they inch their way closer, guns raised. In a sudden movement, Allura head-buts the galra closest to her. Nows my chance.

I sprint away amongst the commotion, undetected. _This looks like a good tree._ I attempt to climb it. Left foot, right hand, right foot, left hand- A loud crack echoes from the tree. "Oh crap..." The branch snaps, my mind in utter disbelief as I land on my butt.   
“Ow..” Shaking my head, I raise myself out of the mud. _Ground range it is then._ I tip-toe as quiet as I can back towards the commotion, poking my head around the closest tree. One soldier is down, two to go. Bringing my bayard up to my shoulder, I stare intently through the focus. Allura seems fine. One look at Shiro, and he was obviously having trouble. _That little guy is tougher than I thought._ I breathe in slowly, maintaining all my focus on that one soldier. _C’mon Shiro, move a bit further to the left..perfect!_ I breathe out even slower and shoot.

 

Shiro screams, clutching his chest and falling to the floor. _What?_  
“SHIRO!” Allura yells, running to the other soldier who stood in shock, knocking him to the ground with the bigger one.  
_What?_  
“Lance, what the hell?!”  
_Wh-_  
“What happened?”  
“Holy shit!”  
“Who the fuck did this?!”  
“We need to get him to a pod immediately!”  
_What?_  
“Lance!”  
_No I-_  
“LANCE!”  
“H-hunk?” I choke out, clutching his arm, stopping him from shaking my shoulders.  
“Yes buddy, it’s me. We need to get Shiro to a pod. Please, listen to me. You’re the only one who can pilot blue. Are you listening to me?!” I stare blankly at Hunks franticness.  
“D-Did I-”  
“I’m sorry buddy.” In one swift movement, I feel my legs be lifted off the ground.  
“Hunk and Lance! Hurry the fuck up!”  
Hunk winces as I stare at him blankly.  
_I don’t understand-_  
“We’re coming!”

It’s quiet in the blue lion. Everyone left a while ago, rushing Shiro away. _I hate silence._ Bringing my knees up to my chest, I sob. _How did I fuck up so badly?_  
_Should I even be on this team?!_  
_How?_  
_Should I?_  
_How did I miss?!_  
_I’m really not the teams sharpshooter, am I? Just the seventh wheel. Good for nothing, useless, replaceable paladin._  
_They hate me._  
_No, they’ll understand._  
_But what if they don’t?! What if they shut me out, cut me off the team?_  
_What if-_  
_No, I **need** to check on Shiro._  
Slowly moving my stiff legs, I stumble out of blue. I feel her radiating warmth and encouragement through me, soothing my mind a little. “Thank you girl.” I reply, brushing my fingertips over her paw. But it’s not enough to quiet my chaotic mind.

Making my way to the medical bay, I try to clear my mind.  
They’ll understand. They’re my teammates. We are family. I take interest in the white tiling on the floor and take a deep breath in. Out. In. Out. In. The automatic door scrolls up, signaling to everyone I’m here.  
And out.

“WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!”  
Looking back up, harsh glares and a fuming Keith is what I come face-to-face with. I grit my teeth and run a hand through my hair to try release some anxiety.  
“I’m sorry. It was an-”  
“Allura told us everything, Lance.” Pidge interrupts. _What?_  
“HOW CAN YOU BE SO IMMATURE?!” Keith gets right in my face, “SHIRO ALMOST DIED BECAUSE OF YOU.”  
I can’t believe this.  
“YOU THINK I DON’T KNOW THAT?!” I retaliate. “ALL I DID WAS-”  
“Try to scare Shiro. We know, Lance.” Allura spat.  
“WHAT?” I whip my head to Allura’s terrifying glare.  
“Shiro got mad at you, so you thought it’d be funny to scare him by shooting too closely at him.”  
_...what?_  
_WHAT?_  
“Hold on.” Anger courses through me, trying to make sense of what bullshittery of a conclusion everyone chalked up.  
“You think I shot him to get back at him?!” Everyone nods, Keith spitting out a ‘yes.’ I laugh. “Are you fuckiNG KIDDING ME?” I look at Hunk helplessly. He shrugs, looking away quickly.  
My heart shatters.  
“He should wake within two weeks.” Coran announces, taking the silence as an opportunity.  
“I can’t believe this.”  
“Two weeks?!”  
“What if we need to form Voltron?! Who’s gonna pilot Black?”  
Breath in, out. In, out. In, out.  
Keith whips back towards me. “IF IT WEREN’T FOR YOU SHIRO WOULD BE HERE RIGHT NOW.”  
Pidge humms in agreement. “He’d be congratulating us on how well we did.”  
“Get out.” Allura chokes back a sob, tears forming in her eyes.  
“But I didn’t-”  
“YOU DID NOW GET OUT!”  
“Hey hey hey, hold on Princess, let Lance speak.”  
“No Coran,” I make eye contact with the Princess. “Get out.”  
_They really do hate me._  
Tears threaten to spill, and I bring my hands to my face to try hide them.  
Don’t let them see how **weak** you are.

“C’mon ma boy, I think you need some rest.” Coran states, lightly pulling me along by my jacket sleeve, away from the infirmary.  
“I-I didn’t...I couldn’t have...I didn’t do it o-on purpose!”  
“I know, I know.”  
“You believe me right?”  
“Lance..”  
“...right…?” Coran sighs, pulling my hand away from my eyes, his brown eyes boring into mine.  
“I believe you, Lance.”  
A choked sob escapes me, “Th-thank you, Coran.”  
We make it to my room, Coran helping me into bed and sitting down on the end.  
Silence ensues, tears streaming down my face.  
“I-”  
“What-”  
Coran chuckles softly, wiping his hair back. I smile in return.  
“You go first, Coran.”  
“But you might forget.” I wince, _of course I’ll forget…_  
“No I won’t, I promise!” Raising my pinky in the air, I motion for Coran to do the same.  
“...And what does this mean?” I wrap my pinky around Corans, shaking pinkies with the Altean.  
“It’s called a pinky promise.”  
“A pinky promise?”  
“We wrap pinkies, which are these fingers, “ I explain, pointing at my pinkie finger. “And we shake them, as a promise of agreement for something. For example, I promise not to forget.” Once again, I shake my pinkie with Corans. He lets out a boisterous laugh.  
“Hey, what’s so funny?” I pout.  
“Pinkies?! Why would you call your small finger a pinkie? Back on Altea, we call them piackers. Pinkies where the things Rowari’s would eat.” Coran notices my confusion and explains further, “Pinkies were an oblong fruit that grew out of the ground, a special food source that only Rowari could eat.”  
“Let me guess,” I chuckle, “Pinkies were pink?”  
Coran strokes his moustache in thought, “No. They were orange...but there was an old legend of the pink Pinkie! I can’t quite remember how it goes though…”  
I wave it off, “What’s a Rowari?”  
“A Rowari is an animal shaped like a Capanu, uh, the equivalent to a dog from earth, but a lot bigger in size. They had two sets of teeth and could walk on their hind legs!”  
“Oh…”  
“Yes, they were quite frightening if I do say so myself!” Coran laughs, sending me a small smile. I return it.  
“You know Lance, you don’t have to pretend with me.”

All the colour drains from my face. _What?_  
“You lie sometimes,” the Altean leans back on his elbows and looks up at the ceiling before looking back at me, “I know the others can’t tell, but I can.”  
I start to panic and splutter out whatever crosses my mind first.  
“What are you talking about Coran?” I chuckle nervously, “I’m Lance! I have no secrets, I’m in space with an amazing space family, and last time I checked, lying was not one of my traits.”  
_**Please** be convincing._  
The Altean stares at me, obviously unconvinced, with a soft smile.  
“I-I’m not-” I bring my hand up to my face to wipe away the tears of relief. _Don’t. Don’t do this to Coran. I’m happy. I’m happy. I’m happy._  
A soft touch caresses my hand and I lift my head to see Coran open his arms, motioning for a hug. An ugly sob escapes my throat as I crash into Corans awaiting arms that wrap around me in a protective embrace.  
“Shhh, it’s okay it’s okay. I’m here for you.”  
That sentence, that one lone sentence is what causes the flood gates to break. _I can’t keep this to myself anymore.._  
I tell Coran about how anxious everything makes me feel. How, as soon as I wake up, all the bad things run through my mind. My insecurities, how I feel about everyone’s ignorance within the team, how I overthink everything, how I try to cheer everyone up but end up annoying them instead, how lonely I feel, how I’m just the no good seventh wheel, and just how much I never want to wake up once I fall asleep.  
I feel a droplet land on my head, and glance up to see Coran crying softly. _This isn’t what I wanted.._  
“My boy, I’ll let you rest. You need it.”  
“But I can’t.” I sob, clutching the oddly smooth fabric of Corans suit. He wiggles his pinkie finger in my face in response.  
“Pinkie promise you will try rest?”  
I sigh, smiling through my tears, intertwining my pinkie with Corans.  
“I pinkie promise, Coran.”

_____________________

Breathe in, breathe out, in, out, in and out. _Everything is going to be fine. They were just angry in the spur of the moment. Anyone would be! They’ll forgive me….but will they? What if they kick me off the team? I don’t contribute anything important, I’m a deadweight, a seventh wheel, and I shot Shiro through the chest! Of course they’re going to kick me off the team!_  
“Lance?” Coran knocks on the door.  
I panic, wiping away my tears and sitting up.  
“Yeah?”  
“Breakfast is ready. Why not come and eat?”  
“I-uh..” I pause and take a deep breath, “Is everyone else there?”  
“Why of course ma boy! I’m sure you’ll be fine.”  
“I don’t- I don’t think I can do this.”  
“Lance, I’m coming in.”  
Through much determination, Coran convinces me out of bed and to get dressed. Ignoring my face routine, I follow Coran to the door. The altean looks at me in surprise, his bushy eyebrows raised. “I can’t be bothered..” He nods his head in understanding, leading me out my bedroom door and down the hall.

We stop outside of the kitchen, Coran gives me a small smile and pats my back. “I know you can do this.” Nodding my head in response, I walk through the doors and into the kitchen, where everyone stops and stares at me. Pidge mid-bite, Hunk looking down, Allura gripping the table, and Keith glaring daggers. I force my head down and walk to the food tubes, ignoring their continuous stares. _I’m not hungry anymore.. I stick with my plan though. Grab a bowl, fill it up, and sit with them. They can’t still be aggravated with me, right? It was an accident…_  
_An accident that could get you kicked off the team_. I shake my head and make my way over to the table. I look up at Coran, giving him a weak smile. _I can get through t-_  
**CRASH!**  
“Fuck!”  
“Are you okay Lance?!” I wipe food goo out of my eyes and look around. It’s gone everywhere. The floor, the seat, the side of the bench.  
“I’m sorry f-”  
“Of course.” I whip my head around to see Keith as he stands up.  
“What did you say?” I growl, anger rising. _Did he just-_  
“I said,” He takes a step towards me, folding his arms, “Of course.”  
“What’s that supposed to mean, mullet?!”  
“It means,” Pidge interferes, waving her spoon at me, “You’ve been fucking up a lot lately.”  
I grip my wrist, nails digging into my skin.  
“I’m sorry Lance but I agree.” Allura pipes in, “You haven’t been doing your best lately. For a while, actually.”  
I wince, tearing my gaze away from Allura to Hunk. My best friend shakes his head and looks back down at his food in response. I feel a pang of grief in my chest at Hunk’s actions, my mind racing, panicking. Coran steps in with folded arms and a stern face.  
“I don’t think you should be speaking to Lance this way.”  
Keith snaps, his anger boiling over.  
“He shot Shiro! Shiro almost died! That,” He points at me, his stern eyes glaring, “deserves a lot more than what he’s been let off the hook with!”  
Gritting my teeth, I look down, glaring at the uneven tiling that caused this mess.  
“Think about what you’re saying Keith!”  
“Oh trust me, I am. Why are you sticking up for him Coran?! He’s no more than a useless piece of-”  
A sudden loud bang emittes throughout the room, resulting in everyone jumping back slightly.  
“Don’t you dare insult Lance.” Coran growls, slamming his hand on the table again. “I’ve had it up to here with everyone on this team! You can’t work together, constantly bicker, and can’t seem to get a clue when enough is enough!”  
Silence meets Corans sudden burst of wrath. Panic rises in me as he begins to go on about what I told him.  
_I can’t stay here._ In a flash, I jump up and run to the door, turning to look back into the kitchen and make eye contact with Hunk. I tear my gaze away and run, the overwhelmingly horribly feeling of betrayal gnawing away at my gut.  
_How did it end up like this?_

_____________________

“What?” Allua asks, playing with her hair in anxiousness.  
“I’d appreciate it if you all apologized to him.” Coran more commands than suggests. Pidge groans.  
“I can’t believe how stupid we are.”  
“We were so riled up and...scared we didn’t even let him speak.” Hunk adds.  
“But Hunk, you didn’t say anything.”  
Regret gnaws at the Yellow paladin. “No, but I should’ve.”  
Keith clenches his fists, regret washing over him.  
“When can we apologize?”  
Everyone stares at the Red paladin as if he grew another head.  
“That’s a big turn around.” Pidge smirks.  
“I have an idea.” Allura straightens out her posture, “We bring him to the bridge. That’s one of his safe places.”  
“And you know this how…?” Pidge interferes.  
“I bump into him at night sometimes, and he’s there. So I just assumed.”  
“I’ll go get him now.” Coran smiles, pride showing on his features. “I’m so proud of all of you.”  
_____________________

I have to do this. Coran came and got me for a reason.  
“I think it’s best if I leave the team…”  
_I can’t do it. I can’t face them. I don’t want to see the happiness in their eyes._  
“Lance...what do you mean-”  
“I mean what I said, Princess.” I raise my head and make eye contact with Allura. _I have to get my point across, and if it means that it leaving a scar in my self esteem, so be it._  
Expecting to see faces of relief, all I see are questioning glances and worried faces.  
“La-”  
“No, shut up Hunk.”  
“You can’t speak to Hunk that way!”  
“Pidge can you please stop it?! I’m trying to get my bloody point across and all you’re doing is being a hassle!”  
_‘No, stop..’_  
“Lance you are being ridiculous, you can’t leave Voltron.”  
I clench my fist, feeling the burn from my nails creating crescents in my palms.  
“No Keith, you know what’s ridiculous? You. You all are. When you wake up and wonder why I left this shitty team, just know it was all your fault. All of you.”  
_‘This isn’t what I wanted to say.’_  
“If you actually listened to me, spent time with me, and talked to me, you’d know! But I realize now, that I am not worth your attention. I am not worth anything..” I wipe my face. _Since when did I start crying?_ “All I am is the 7th wheel. There’s no need for me. I’m just here till you can find someone who can pilot blue a lot better than I can. I’m just the replacement. I know.”

“Lance…” Hunk tries again, but I wave my hand at him.  
“No Hunk, I’m not anything you all want me to be. I’m nothing special. Allura has incredible powers, that with enough practice could possibly be enough to unlock new abilities in one of the lions if she ever gets to pilot one. Coran, well..Coran is Coran. He helps pilot the castle, fixes everything that goes wrong engineer and technical wise, and is easy to have a laugh with out here in the endless void of space. Pidge, you’re our brainy gal. You find out ways through Galra security, through technology, through anything! Hunk you’re our amazing chief, our go to guy if we’re having troubles. You pile everything upon your shoulders and help as much as you can, all while being a spectacular engineer along beside Pidge and Coran for that matter! Keith…” I break eye contact quickly, not wanting to even look at him. “Keith, you are our samurai. You are perfect at everything you do. To be honest, I can’t help but be envious of you. I’m always in your shadow. Always wondering when I could be as good as you. But I’m glad I realized so soon I never will be. And Shiro... he’s the team leader, the head of Voltron. He’s smart, quick, and is a natural born leader. Shiro has the ability to make us apologize to each other after we fight, almost like a dad.”  
I give a small chuckle and glance up. Sharp, worried faces are what I come face-to-face with.  
“Shiro...if he were here, he could hear this. If I didn’t ruin the mission, he’d be here! He wouldn’t be stuck in a cryopod for the next week!”

 

Growing weak in the knees I feel my body slowly sink to the floor, “None of this would have happened if I wasn’t here! It’s all my fault, I can’t do anything right…” I clutch my head in my hands, my head pounding with every breath I take. _‘Since when did it become so hard to breathe?’_  
“Lance buddy, I need you to breath. Breath deeply with me.”  
Panic. _‘Why can’t I breathe?!’_  
“Lance I need you to focus! Look at me.” I feel hands firmly grip my head and avert it forwards, and seeing what I assume is Hunk through my wet eyes. Hunks hand grasps firmly in mine, and I feel his other hand softly playing with the ends of my hair.  
“C’mon buddy, breathe with me. In,” Hunk holds his breath for what seemed like an eternity before finally breathing out of his mouth, “And out. Good job Lance, you’re doing great. You’re going to be fine, just like before.”

_Was I even fine before?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ew I just read this again and I hate it haha I'm definitely never writing in this pov again, expect 3rd person pov from now on-


	3. Sleepless Nights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance feels guilt and regret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Self inflicted bruising. This is really short as I had no clue where to go with it; it's just been sitting here for a while and just thought why not?

Lance awakens to find himself pinching his arm, numbness washing over his limb from sleeping on it. He shuts his eyes again in a desperate need to fall back asleep, pinching harder, sending a shock through his body. The teen winces before opening his eyes and lazily looking down at his bruised arm, a new bruise being created, taunting him with it’s newly formed blue colour. 

“I deserve this..”

He thinks back on his last mission, how he couldn’t save that little aliens mother. How if he planned it more accurately, they wouldn’t be growing up without their own mum. Lance didn’t know what that felt like for an alien that young, but if he was in that situation, he’d hate the person who saved him. Who couldn’t save their own mother. He’s a Paladin of Voltron, he is supposed to be saving families, saving lives! The others tell him he shouldn’t be so hard on himself, but... _ I don’t deserve to be a Paladin.  _

That thought rings around in his head for a while. Blue shouldn’t have chosen him. Shit, why did Blue choose him?! Then he moved from Blue to Red and... _Red doesn’t even like me_! It becomes a full on mystery for Lance before he thinks a little deeper. _Blue only chose me to get to Allura. And Red had to have me because there was no one else. Red is only putting up with me until we get Shiro back._ All of this made sense to the Red Paladin, if he could even call himself that. _Once we get Shiro back, Keith can go back to Red and Allura can stay in Blue._

With that in mind, Lance tries to fall back asleep to no avail as the young aliens distraught face clouds his mind, their mother tripping and falling into a pool of her own blood.


	4. Exhausted

Saying that Lance was tired was an understatement; he was  _exhausted._ His limbs hurt, cramping every time he moved a muscle and a headache shot through his head at every opportunity given when the Altean pain killers would wear off every other hour. 

The teen let out a groan of pain in an attempt to get up. The constant training taking a toll on his body making him feel weak and useless. 

He had been too tired to do anything lately with constant training and missions taking a toll on him emotionally and physically. The teen couldn't think straight without feeling like his brain was being fried up from the inside. He felt useless; his body cramping up whenever he'd need to lean on his elbows to take a shot, or if he'd need to duck a blast from an on coming druid. 

He just felt so weak and useless.

"C'mon Lance, we've got more training to do. Get up."

The teen groans in response from his spot in the middle of the training room floor. Coran bumbles in to his line of vision, the artificial lighting being covered causing Lance to stop squinting his eyes at the silhouette.

"C'mon mah boy! Only two more levels until you paladins are where you need to be!"

Lance takes Corans words into consideration for a mere 0.2 seconds before feeling a wave of nausea throughout his body. 

"I think- I think I'm gonna be sick.." 

"Lance buddy are you okay?!"

"Someone get a bucket!"

"He needs to be taken to the med bay!"

The Cuban feels his body being lifted off the floor, closing his eyes in hopes it'd help him not vomit in front of his team mates. 

"He's not going to die is he Coran?!?" Hunks frantic question causes Lance to chuckle lightly, taking the risk to open his eye and look at Hunk only to see Shiro behind him, arms crossed with a disappointed look on his face. Lance winces before slamming his eye shut again. Shiro's disappointed face staying tightly in his mind.

Lance feels himself deflate, the world around him buzzing from activity as the other paladins try and get him to the med bay faster.

Yeah, he'd been training too hard. Eating less. Becoming a lot more annoyed and irritated at the slightest things. 

But he just wanted to be better.

All he wanted to do was impress. Be the best sharpshooter, team mate, fighter, friend. Just to feel liked; loved. 

All Lance wanted was acceptance. 

Shiro's disappointed face strikes through Lance's mind again, causing the teens stomach to convulse.

"I'm gonna vomit again.."


End file.
